stop torturing m mentally....
cant get you out of my mind..

it had only been less than a week since we talked.
but feel like years..
may be it's going to be like this for forever.
the thought of messaging you came to my mind.
but what exactly can i tell you?
how much i misses you till this moment?!

what's the purpose of you visiting to my blog??
to see how sad i am? to see what you had done to me?
do you still even care how i feel? do i matter to you?
if you did you wouldn't have left me alone
i am nothing but a chapter of your life that has ended.

no answer could better...right?
the more time passes, the more i felt you have left me....forever.
goodbye

the places we visited came through my mind as i walked them over again
but this time i was alone
and i will be alone
because i deserve what i get.

i could still remember vividly all the moments.
i don't deserve you.

the more i say my heart feelings here..the more i look like a fool.

i am treated like a fool...in my life
who said he doesn't mind when he does.
does it mean i cant be angry at someone?
for fooling me around when i am not in the mood for anything.

now i have no confidence at all in whatever i do
totally zero confidence...
not even asking a simple question of an passer-by.

the things i said..
do you really care?
why did i tell you so much?
knowing the end result couldn't change
did you ever listen to me?

since the day you went away..
i was all alone..
am i too used to your presence?
you know exactly what i want, but you are unable to compromise..
why did you choose this path? why couldn't you answer me?
there are questions up my mind, but i guess it's best to keep inside.
it makes me wonder if there are other reasons behind your decision.

stop haunting myself with questions i never get to know
it just sucks..why am i torturing myself? physically and mentally
it's not like you will even answer. It's not like i can answer myself.
may be i am just not your one, right from start...right?

It wasn't me who give things up. It was you.

You made this decision.
Could it be that you are unable to accept me?
Could it be that you have lost your feelings for me already?
Could it be something else I don't know?
Could it be..........

Or may be you were this all along.

all day long i was hoping to hear something from you.
but nothing came by.......
have you thought of how i would feel, how hurt i/we will be before your decision?
it's really killing me inside.....
i have never cried this worse do you know?!

how far have you moved on? because i haven't move a single step.
i really hope i can disappear if this has to stay on.

陈奕迅 - 淘汰

我说了所有的谎
你全都相信
简单的我爱你
你却老不信
你书里的剧情
我不想上演
因为我喜欢喜剧收尾

我试过完美放弃
的确很踏实
醒来了梦散了
你我都走散了
情歌的词何必押韵
就算我是k歌之王
也不见得把爱情唱得完美

只能说我输了
也许是你怕了
我们的回忆没有皱折
你却用离开烫下句点
只能说我认了
你的不安赢得你信任
我却得到你安慰的淘汰

我试过完美放弃
的确很踏实
醒来了梦散了
你我都走散了
情歌的词何必押韵
就算我是k歌之王
也不见得把爱情唱得完美

只能说我输了
也许是你怕了
我们的回忆没有皱折
你却用离开烫下句点
只能说我认了
你的不安赢得你信任
我却得到你安慰的淘汰

只能说我输了
也许是你怕了
我们的回忆没有皱折
你却用离开烫下句点
只能说我认了
你的不安赢得你信任
我却得到你安慰的淘汰

gary just cried his hearts out
but it does help anything.
he can never forget

this morning i woke up..
wishing that all you said to me yesterday were just a dream
where are you now kim? just where?
i really love you and need you...

:''''''''''''''((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

i don't deserve to love anyone because i don't even love myself in the first place
i don't know how i am going to make it through kim, really..
how long more i am able to hold before i go crazy?
for the past month it had been torturous,
and you told me things will be remaining like this for good?
Is it really doing "good" to both of us by ending?

i will not forgive myself.
let the guilt haunt me for the rest of my life.

29 jan is the day u told me about the decision
is also the first time i waited for you outside coral secondary
is day i experience sunshine, drizzle and cold chilling breeze
it's the first time i followed you that long time behind
and watched you far from back...
cause that was the only thing i can do.

seriously..i don't want to give up on you.
may be nothing is going to change even though i tell u how much i love you
i missed those precious times we spent together, even with all the quarrels and fights.
nevertheless it's all kept inside...

you told me not to cry...i told myself i shouldn't cry
but i failed...i just need to release myself
forgive me for being so weak..
i wasn't strong in the first place
my heart ached the moment you told me you got bad news to tell me
why are you asking me to go when i love so much?

you are too important to me
i never wanted to let you go in the first place, under any circumstances
the moment you left my world, my world has fallen into pieces.
how much i wish i can hug in my arms

why are you so firm with your decision?
have i really lost my importance in you?
do you really dislike me?
Have you really lost the feel for me already?
i had been trying so hard to make you smile again..
to try to make up for the past mistakes..
why are you pushing me away when i tried to hold you back?
you sounded off clearly and rejected any request during valentine
does that mean we are really over? (it should have been since 1month, just that you cant accept)
how much it hurts me..how much it hurts me to think of what i did for you during last year's
how much fun and joy we had...
enough.

sorry to say i haven't accept this fact. i asked myself a thousand why
i really wish yesterday ended in a good way..
but end up you cleared things out and "settled" ourselves

i rather you told me that you were still considering
that you will need more time to chill and recover..
then at least there's still a glimpse of hope?
why did you tell me when i feel a little better between us?
why are extinguishing my last chance of hope
please?? can it be this way?
Take your words back? i don't want to keep them for good.

Have i receive the fair treatment i am supposed to be given?

now i do feel we are far away from each other...

we no longer text each other like before,
we no longer talk like we used to be.

are you still the one i know of?
because you made me feel like though you changed.
i know even lesser of you.
what's happening to you?

it makes sad to see the big blue black
and not having an answer from you
probably i don't mean anything to you now
i am someone who you can choose to talk to or ignore
someone who is past to you.
you are free to do what you like to do...
sighhhhhh :((((((

what you didn't know....
it's that it makes me tear whenever now i think of that big patch,
and not knowing what exactly happened to you.
why are you hiding away from me?
do you really have to be this cold to me?

we used to walk the same path together,
but now i can only watch you closely behind back

when is this going to end?
stay, will you?

frustrated at how things turn out recently
is that the "reply" you have given me?
by not replying

do you really dislike me right now?
cause i feel we are drifting away..or are we drifted apart few weeks back?
are you still the minxing i know?

Is it all?

how far are our hearts now?

minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing minxing

it's all my fault really...for making mum so sick
and now you are even worse than me
it adds more guilt to me
something has to be done...
seeing her voiceless and coughing non-stop hurts me even more than when it was me

till now i don't know what's my problem too.
something must be wrong with me right?
though coughing somehow stops, but when it does it hurts
you know how i wish you were by my side and be with me at this time
when i don't know what i am heading in my life, especially being a technician
something which i never thought i may become, the reason why i took non engineering course and non life science course
and now you are asking me not only to study, but to take hands on and dirty.
i failed to keep what words (whatever it is) but you did

i don't know how much luye can hold

never would i thought we will have such endings..
what else can i do now? nothing...
out of a sudden, you are asking me to let go of this relationship
when we are supposed to be at the best part.

is it because you are not ready? or could it be a timing problem..
i don't want to believe, but i need to face the truth.
friends or not is what i need to think

at this hour, where most people are sound asleep, i wrote in here my feelings
can you feel the horror of silence? of not hearing any sound
deep inside me hurts...seriously...my lungs/ heart hurts on thursday
i cant figure it out
i was afraid i may end up in the hospital....
now memories of hospitalisation comes back
i realize i have got a lot of things which i have yet to tell you, to do together you
i definitely wish for more first time between us.
but what if one day i am gone into another world,
where there will be only peace?
i will still look out for you, and back you up...

there are just so so much things i had yet done with you
i am just being impatient about things

i must say you will not be much better than i do, especially at this period
where you are troubled by more stuffs you can take on..
i may not be able to help you, but now i had found out and learn more,
probably i had become more understanding, more sensible.
i understand you need someone to be by your side to back you up.
and i wish i am the one...
i am wondering if i am to be given the privilege to do so.
i will be there to support you, be there for you, and watch over you

i had a real flash back of things between us.
i felt a sense of comfort around me when i read it.
the memories that i could vividly describe...
that no one had ever done before...
all happened because of your presence...

i am going to take things easy...and wait.

it's 1 june at 1pm..
the day i will not forget that we mark an end to our relationships.
seven and a half months....
bu chang ye bu duan
but together we had lots of joy, tears and laughter, didnt we?
i didn't expect myself to end...i thank you, thank god giving me the wonderful experience of a life time
letting me learn how to love a person, take care of someone i love
i am thankful for the opportunely you had given to me

i want to let you know that you are a very good person, a person with a kind soul
you let me learn how to be a better person, let me know how much things i miss out in life
i always wish you are the first and the last one of gary lo
i dreamt of walking the red carpet with you..
but now everything's no longer possible...like a glass shattered into pieces.

i understand it's a tough decision for both of us to let go
probably it's the best solution we can find.
before we hurt each other even more, unknowingly or knowingly.

i know i am going to miss you,
i know i am going to miss your sms
i know i am going to miss your voice
i know i am going to miss holding your hands, giving you huggies
i know i am going to miss visiting your house
i know i am going to miss the delicious food cooked by you, and your mum
i know i am going to miss calling uncle and auntie
i know i am going to miss the sky and the scenery at your block
i know i am going to miss camping at your house to surprise you
i...............................................................................


be strong gary...let all your feelings out
because you will be feel much better...don't hold things back
and yes i am definitely going to do this.

it's over.


To kim,

Take care of yourself and don't emo so much now i am no longer to take care of you. Still i hope you will stay happy always, and you still eventually find the guy of your choice, someone who you will love you more than he does. I know it's a bad time to do it, when you got more important issues to settle. Don't forget to be yourself. I always feel you are the best when you are yourself. smile more because your smile will brighten everybody's day.

went to guan ying miao yesterday to pray..
pray that things between us will be fine, pray for good health, pray that you will be happy, pray that the path in front of you will be lighted
the prayer work almost immediately..
i should rejoice that i have found you in my world...
the world of me alone now becomes occupied by you
everything is all about you..
love makes me do and think about things that resolves around you..
regardless of right or wrong

whether you can i forget accidentally or intentionally about other matters, other matters that DO matter
i couldn't explain...my mind just "forgets"
i forget about myself, my family, only thinking about how to make you happy
或許是我真的很重視她的一切..
till the fact that once i failed to give you something you wanted, i couldn't forgive myself
and it really happened.

at that moment my little prayer got answered..
you don't want things to be this way, either do i...
at that moment i thought things may be just fine very soon.

i thought of meeting you real soon.
now i guess i am not ready..

am i just overacting?